Please wear yellow

Ok, so two posts in one day... a little crazy, I know. I can't help it though! Some days I have so much on my mind and some days it's just empty in there. I was just reminiscing about Maura. I frequently visit her mom's blog simply because I love reading her blogs. She has a way of being transparent with her grief that I find refreshing in a world where most people either hide their pain or flaunt it. I was reading her mom's blog today, and I watched the videos of Maura's trips to Japan, Paris, and Maura's graduation video. I just bawl every time I think about or see a picture of Maura. The main thing that comes to mind is, how selfish am I for wasting my life away when I'm not promised tomorrow. Maura was such an inspiration because she lived every part of her life to the fullest. She may not have always known where her life was headed, but she was enjoying the ride. So often I'm too concerned with where I'm going, to the point where I don't enjoy the ride. It's all about the destination for me. I have to stop myself, I have to take each day as it comes and love every minute of that day. We aren't promised tomorrow. We aren't promised a lifetime to complete our work for Christ. I think that thought never occurs to some of us, myself included. I assume that I have this great purpose that will take a lifetime to complete, but the truth is that Maura had a great purpose, and her lifetime was 22 years. She didn't waste any time, and she spent every day as if it were her last, even before her diagnosis. She continues to inspire even after death, which is a great accomplishment for a 22 year old woman. I have to live like this from now on. I have to wake up each day ready to dive into the day, loving every minute of it. I think what Dr. Hightower said at Maura's funeral was perfect... she embodied the fruits of the spirit. She was love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. She was all of these things. I'm challenging myself, and I challenge everyone to live a life like this. When I have to remind myself that life is short and my purpose is great, I say to myself "Please wear yellow..."

Good Christian Woman

I was at work today, and thinking about how I should explain my blog name. Please don't misinterpret and think I'm calling myself a good Christian woman... it's something that's been on my heart a while. Since I read Captivating, and really spent some time meditating and reading what the Bible says about what a good Christian woman is, I realized I was striving for and admiring the wrong traits. I feel like so often we, as Christian women, are expected to be gentle and quiet in everything we do. My personality isn't always gentle, and I'm not always quiet. Does that mean that in those times I'm not fulfilling my abilities as a Godly woman? Absolutely not! I don't want to quote the entire chapter that talks about the value of a good wife, but I do want to point out several key verses:
Proverbs 31:10
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

***

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

I love how this passage talks about a woman being strong. And I think this is applicable to women who aren't yet married, but plan on being married at some point. We're not tied to the kitchen, we're not tied to teaching a Sunday school class. I'm not putting those things down, because I do believe women should spend some time in both of those areas, I'm just saying we can explore other things as well. We are gentle, kind and sympathetic. I can't deny my natural drive to comfort hurting people, and I can't deny that I do feel gentle and kind, but when I'm feisty and strong I believe I'm also acting on my natural instincts. I grew up in a house full of girls. My mom, my sister, and myself. When there was something heavy to lift, women did it. When there were groceries to get, women did it. When the yard needed to be mowed, or a TV needed to be hooked up, or a piece of furniture put together, a woman did it. Now that I'm married, I do appreciate my husband taking the initiative to do manual labor things. He has more of a drive to build things or lift heavy objects than I do. However, that doesn't mean I'm not capable of doing those things, and it doesn't mean I don't want to every now and then.

I am the furthest thing from a feminist you will ever meet. Ask my husband... I am constantly calling myself a Princess, and almost everything in my life is done a "traditional" way. I do believe certain positions should be held by men, and others held by women. My husband is absolutely the head of our little family. I am submissive to him, but he is considerate of me. I trust him, and know that he is a great leader, especially for the two of us. When I call myself a princess, however, I am imagining the kind of princess that would go into battle if needed. But when the battle is over, and her family is safe, she puts on a big puffy pink dress and sparkly crown :) I BELIEVE WOMEN CAN BE BOTH GENTLE AND STRONG. This is the type of woman I am aspiring to be. I believe we need a good balance of strength, gentleness, kindness, and wisdom to be effective as a woman of Christ.

The first post

I was reading the Bible a couple days ago, and was convicted about what I do for Christ and for His glory. When I die, what will be left behind that will help people know Him, and help the Christian faith prosper? I have felt called to write. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to write, or where I'm supposed to write it, but I thought a blog would be a good start. I'm not sure how these blogs work, but perhaps someone will happen across this. I suppose the first thing I'll "blog" about is the inspiration behind this website... our calling.

So often I convince myself that I'm not good enough to do certain things. One of the many things I've convinced myself of is that I don't have much of anything to share with the world. There's no way this is true. If I believe in Christ, and I believe in God's perfect plan for me, then surely He wouldn't have put me on this Earth to be a wet blanket... to be a quiet instrument that sinks into the background music. If He has a huge purpose for me, which I'm sure He does, then I have something great to share with the world. Satan is so clever in the way that he cuts me down. Even though I try to refuse him, I still feel insecure about my abilities. When I began getting ready to teach for the first time this year, I tried to think of anything that would help me get out of it. Why was I trying so hard to get out of something that I planned to do with my life? Because I wasn't sure if I would be successful and the thought of failing literally kept me up at night. I couldn't bare the idea of not being extremely successful at something, and I was terrified of failing. At one point I realized that satan had been putting those ideas in my head, and that failure is something he scares us with. God loves me even if I fail. I realized that even if I wasn't a great teacher, or my students and colleagues hated me, my family would love me, my husband would love me, and mostly my God would love me. When you put that in perspective, the thought of failing wasn't as terrifying as it had been. So often I'm so scared of failing that I don't even attempt something. I am compulsive about making the "right" choice. But to who is it the right choice? To the people around me, who will judge me if I make the wrong choice? I recently have felt like God was telling me that it's ok to be impulsive, and screw up, and let him pull me back up. Perhaps I'm making God feel like I'm so in control of things that he doesn't need to help. It's so hard for some people (like myself) to let go of the reigns and let God take control. Let him use you as an instrument in this world. Let him bring you on a wild ride of successes and failures. I challenge you to allow yourself room to fail, to allow yourself room to make impulsive decisions that may be the "wrong" choice, because sometimes that impulse that you feel could be God working. Let go.