The first post

I was reading the Bible a couple days ago, and was convicted about what I do for Christ and for His glory. When I die, what will be left behind that will help people know Him, and help the Christian faith prosper? I have felt called to write. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to write, or where I'm supposed to write it, but I thought a blog would be a good start. I'm not sure how these blogs work, but perhaps someone will happen across this. I suppose the first thing I'll "blog" about is the inspiration behind this website... our calling.

So often I convince myself that I'm not good enough to do certain things. One of the many things I've convinced myself of is that I don't have much of anything to share with the world. There's no way this is true. If I believe in Christ, and I believe in God's perfect plan for me, then surely He wouldn't have put me on this Earth to be a wet blanket... to be a quiet instrument that sinks into the background music. If He has a huge purpose for me, which I'm sure He does, then I have something great to share with the world. Satan is so clever in the way that he cuts me down. Even though I try to refuse him, I still feel insecure about my abilities. When I began getting ready to teach for the first time this year, I tried to think of anything that would help me get out of it. Why was I trying so hard to get out of something that I planned to do with my life? Because I wasn't sure if I would be successful and the thought of failing literally kept me up at night. I couldn't bare the idea of not being extremely successful at something, and I was terrified of failing. At one point I realized that satan had been putting those ideas in my head, and that failure is something he scares us with. God loves me even if I fail. I realized that even if I wasn't a great teacher, or my students and colleagues hated me, my family would love me, my husband would love me, and mostly my God would love me. When you put that in perspective, the thought of failing wasn't as terrifying as it had been. So often I'm so scared of failing that I don't even attempt something. I am compulsive about making the "right" choice. But to who is it the right choice? To the people around me, who will judge me if I make the wrong choice? I recently have felt like God was telling me that it's ok to be impulsive, and screw up, and let him pull me back up. Perhaps I'm making God feel like I'm so in control of things that he doesn't need to help. It's so hard for some people (like myself) to let go of the reigns and let God take control. Let him use you as an instrument in this world. Let him bring you on a wild ride of successes and failures. I challenge you to allow yourself room to fail, to allow yourself room to make impulsive decisions that may be the "wrong" choice, because sometimes that impulse that you feel could be God working. Let go.